The new year has become and my news feed is full of new years resolutions.
I am going to eat healthy
This year is all about me
I am going to be skinny by summer
It is expensive to eat healthy…guess I am going to be broke
It goes on and on. The promising, optimism, renewed outlooking and lest we forget the down right moaning and groaning. What if it doesn’t have to be that way? IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!!!!
I wish that i could sit down with everyone and get to know them. Since that is not possible. You can follow me through my #60daychallenge here. SO… grab a cup of coffee, some hot tea or a glass of water and let’s go!
This year my RESOLUTION is going to be my REVOLUTION. REFIT REVOULTION
I am thankful for REFIT. I am not shouting out my success and love of weight losing, calories blasting, fat burning work outs. But rather marveling and basking in the love, worth, community, and inspiration of the program. It is not about me. It is about us. It is not about the intensity of the workout. Rather the fact that when i just can’t do another squat there is someone to cheer me on. Or quite frankly, a friend will probably make the most ridiculous face I have ever seen resulting in gut busting laughter. The joy of the LORD is my strength…RIGHT! My worth is not measured by my pants size in this place, but I am simply celebrated in my victories and encouraged in my struggles. It just takes one…one person,one encouraging word, one friendship to make you dive in hook, line and sinker.
My imperfections are my perfection. I was made in HIS image. I am enough
I can hear those reading this that know me or have seen my picture. Easy for her to say, she is skinny. It has not always been this way. It has taken 13 years, an awesome husband and 3 kids to get me here.
This was me thirteen years ago. I was never fat or flabby but I was, what we would call then, a big girl.
The biggest size pants you could buy in American Eagle was a 14. This is extremely tragic when you are too big for that size and all your friends are wearing popular clothes. If I close my eyes and think about it, I can see myself crying in the dressing room because the biggest pants didn’t fit. Then there was this one night I remember spending at a friends house. She went to go do something whilst i seized the opportunity and looked at the tag in her pants which were laying on her bedroom floor. A 5. I wore size 5 womans pants in 4th grade! That was it. I threw in the towel. I was sick of being the fat kid.
The summer between my freshman and sophmore years of high school my weight loss started. I was 5 foot 4 and weighed 175lbs. I lost 20lbs before school was in session and just continued losing during the year. A natural athlete it didn’t take long to melt off some more pounds swimming 5 days a week, 3 hours a day. A year later, starting my senior year, I was the smallest I had ever been as a teen, 145. A size 8. At my lowest I was able to fit through a college dorm window. It didn’t open very wide
I wish i could say that I started making healthier choices and lost the weight the right way. I mean, I could say that, I was capable of telling that story. I did just that. I told a story of stopping eating junk and making healthier choices. The truth, however, was i just simply stopped eating. There is a common misconception that to have a problem one must be anorexic, a bag of bones, or throwing up everything they eat. Some of us are just simply lying to ourselves and our self worth is slowly dying on the inside. That was me.
If you are skinny you are prettier. They will like you better. Food will just make you fat. You aren’t worth anything.
I was never that girl. You know, the one all the guys thought was pretty and wanted to date. Silly I know. But i fell prey to that in my teen years. I was fun to be around, a good friend and lots of other things, but pretty just wasn’t one. That is what i thought at least. Even when I started dating a guy, who just happened to be on the small side, it didn’t help. I was then obsessed with being smaller than him. At one point he noticed I was struggling and would ask what i ate for the day. Lying was a well honed in skill at this point. Because of course if I ate I would get fat and then I really would be worth nothing.
Years later I found myself sitting at a lake on a retreat for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship leaders. Here I was leading a group on campus and struggling so bad on the inside. A friend had earlier in the summer said something that began to rock my world. Heavy Bekah was pretty too…she just didn’t think so. God spoke to me there. Over the crystal waters, under a clear sky, sitting on a rock. A small voice whispered to my heart.
I am enough. You were created in My image. Your worth is in Me.
For the first time in years. I ate three meals with out feeling guilty. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been better. Way better. There are days I still look in the mirror, bags under my eyes that seem to hang off my face and think..I am glad my hubby thinks I am pretty because i sure don’t right now. Or I catch a glimpse of my stretch marks, yes I only have a few, even after having a 10lb baby, and think its gross. Best yet is when a child will poke my muffin top and ask what it is. SO…. I am going to embrace my old lady leg, love my wrinkles because they bring character, and see myself as Gods beautiful abstract art.
My #60daychallenge may look at little different than yours. My challenge is to not step on a scale, because the number doesn’t matter. I will not take measurements, because those aren’t important. I will not pinch my belly fat. It isn’t going to help. It will only make me feel worse. I am going to love people. Encourage those around me. Seek His face and hold on tight to Hispromises. It doesn’t take a ton of strength to hold on. Just that of a pinky.